I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
