seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am naked and annoyed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
