I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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