Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
