You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
