Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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