Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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