Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
