I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
