This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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