my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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