someone owes me an orgasm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
