Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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