the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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