clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
