Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
