If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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