is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
