with your own penis?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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