i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
