You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
