The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
