Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
