but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
