I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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