This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
