i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
