Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Alive.
So much puke
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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