I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
