and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
