Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
