just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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