I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
