I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
