Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
