it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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