Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
