He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
