i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
