Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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