Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
