Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
