Can Purell be used as lube?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
