did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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