Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As shirtless as possible
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
