Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
