Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize