I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
