he was CRYING into my vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My breasts were aching with rage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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