i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
