Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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