Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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