Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
