I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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