like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
