she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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