yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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