All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
