pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
