Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
whose parrot is this?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
