Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
