apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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