you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
