i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
