dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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