I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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