i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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