I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
