Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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