just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
