It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where is the hickey?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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