ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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