thus making me awesome and them whores
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How does one acquire holy water?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
