i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
