I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
