I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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