how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
