i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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