the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
