covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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