I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
