Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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