there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
