she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
