Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
