I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
