I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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