Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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