he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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