went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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