You just made me feel so damn special
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
