I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
