Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
