Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
